Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Paraprosdokians and Snoring

Nope, they're not related. :)  They just happen to be both on my way overdue to-blog list.  I guess you could say the subject is a paraprosdokian itself. :)

Let's start with snoring.  Sometime before June 10th this year, I had my latest breakthrough in terms of hearing myself snore (yes, I shamefully admit that I do snore).  I opened my eyes!!!  I was so careful in opening them so as not to disrupt my snoring and I did it!  Snoring with eyes wide open.  It still sounded muffled, btw.  So there I was, just observing what was happening internally.  At first, I thought it was just because my tongue was touching the roof of my mouth but eventually (after successfully reproducing it while I was up and wide awake), I realized it didn't have to be the case.  It's really just the air pushing against the back or middle of my head cavity (or whatever it's called).  But alas, I still don't know how to prevent it (without the aid of those nose sticky thingies... which I've never tried myself).  That will be the next breakthrough. :)

On to the next so-totally-related topic... It's really just a copy & paste from an email from Jed's former (and wonderful) teacher, Ms. H.  I could have put them in the Joke Book blog but I don't feel like maintaining that anymore.  So, here they are.  I admittedly don't get some of them... or at least I don't find them worthy of being on the list.  Have fun!!!

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
18. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
19. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Amen

 And some more... 
  1. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
  2. "If I am reading this graph correctly — I'd be very surprised." 
  3. "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have tried everything else." —Winston Churchill
  4. "On his feet he wore...blisters." 
  5. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." 
  6. "A modest man, who has much to be modest about." —supposedly Winston Churchill
  7. "If I could just say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker." 
  8. "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." 
  9. "I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.
Btw, Curiosity is now on Mars.  I hope it runs into friendly Martians.  Good luck to you, amigo!

Love and light to everyone,